Has All The Passion And Desire Fizzled Out Of Your Relationship?
Would you like to rekindle the passion and desire you once had for each other? Perhaps you still love your partner, but somehow you’ve both ended up feeling more like housemates than passionate partners.
Perhaps you are both hard working individuals, and the precious time that was once allotted to your relationship is now dedicated to working, raising children and the rest of life’s many responsibilities.
Maybe something unexpected or drastic happened, like loss of a loved one, termination from your job or caring for an aging parent, and the stress is negatively impacting your relationship. Or, maybe something good happened, like a new baby, job or something else, but you’re still overwhelmed and struggling to settle into a new routine while you care for your sex life.
Does one or both of you suffer from sexual dysfunction or low libido? Has there been a breach of trust that has impacted your ability to come back together as a team?
Maybe you’re still having sex, but it’s dull. Dull sex is better than no sex, but you can’t help but wonder what’s missing.
Remember those intense feelings of lust, love and desire you shared at the beginning of your relationship? Wouldn’t it be magical to re-harness that spark? Would you like to create magic moments together that you can look back on in years to come? Potentially you are now considering sex therapy.
You Are Not Alone
An article in Newsweek reported that 15-20 percent of couples have sex 10 times a year. Officially, a “sexless marriage” is defined as intimacy once or less than every six weeks. That’s very close to no intimacy at all. If this describes your relationship, you are far from alone.
In my training with Michele Weiner Davis, world renowned divorce buster, it was made very clear that such infrequent sex does lasting damage to most marriages. Sex is a very powerful bonding force. After all, being intimate is what separates your relationship from being “friends.”
Sexless relationships can lead to affairs and/or other forms of infidelity. When your needs are not being met in the relationship, it’s very common for one or both parties to seek satisfaction elsewhere. Yes, infidelity is an act of betrayal, but it’s also an expression of longing and loss. At the heart of an affair, you will often find a longing and a yearning for an emotional connection that is sadly absent.
And, not all sexual problems stem from relationship problems. Research has proven that a couple can love each other deeply and still lose the erotic spark they once had. Sex therapist David Schnarch writes in his book Intimacy and Desire that, “People have sex within the limits of their sexual development.” In other words, we stick to having sex in familiar ways. Trying new things can be uncomfortable, but without this novelty, you likely feel stuck in patterns that have grown tired.
There’s a rumor that you can’t sustain an erotic marriage in the long term, but that’s completely untrue. What if I told you marriage counseling could help you relight the fire in your sex life?
Sex Therapy Can Help You Have Better Sex More Often
Couples sex counseling can help you take charge to reignite the spark in your relationship.
There may have been a period when you both wanted to spend as much time as possible gazing into each other’s eyes and making love one last time before dashing off to work. Over time, the demands of life, dealing with your careers, financing your lifestyle or raising the children turns you into a family unit. In this stage, the two of you stand shoulder to shoulder dealing with life’s challenges and it’s often just not sexy. It’s a positive approach to life together but a bit of a passion killer. There is nothing less sexy than feeling obligated to have sex when you’re exhausted.
Terrence Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage says, “I believe in fierce intimacy. Which means that people are radically honest with each other. I think the first casualty when people don’t tell the truth to each other is passion. Unresolved issues fester. Resentment turns into a lack of generosity and less willingness to surrender.” Here, I can help you both open up about your desire and finally advocate for what you both truly want. When you’re able to be radically honest with your partner, an amazing shift can occur—you actually have a shot at having everything you want.
As erotic animals, we seek novelty. What it means is that we have to see our partners with new eyes, and that’s much easier than you might imagine. If you can that, you’d be amazed how much energy you can find for each other again.
The good news is it’s completely possible to have amazing sex with your number one. With couples sex counseling, I can teach you what took me years to figure out. And, you do not need to have an affair with anyone other than your partner. Couples counseling can help you both advocate for your needs, discover your unique sexuality and enjoy a long satisfying life together.
You may have questions or concerns about sex therapy…
I’m so lonely and considering an affair.
Don’t do that. Although an affair can cause you to see your partner through new eyes, it’s not a solution. Affairs are terribly painful and destructive. That would be like seeking out a near death experience to change your life, it’s a very high-risk strategy. Cleaning up an infidelity takes a lot of time and energy.
What if there was a better way of connecting to your partner that didn’t involve deceit and betrayal? With the right guidance, it’s possible to uncover things about your partner you had no idea about. You don’t need to have an affair to bring back the love and passion with your partner. I can teach you how to reawaken your desire for one another.
Does sex occur during sex counseling?
No, that would be weird! Don’t worry, your clothes stay on! There is absolutely no nudity during sessions. This is all talk therapy. I will send you home with engaging exercises to practice together in your own time. These will be specific to your situation and pitched at a time that is right for both of you.
I don’t have the time or energy for marriage sex counseling.
Responsibility and desire tend to work in opposition. If desire and erotic experiences are important to both of you, I can help you prioritize your sex life, allowing you to have it all—a satisfying life with fierce intimacy.
You Can Enjoy An Amazing Sex Life
My practice is based in St Ives on Sydney’s North Shore.